Now I know why

and still i always wonder WTF is wrong with me. it always takes a day or two to figure it out. yes aunt flo will be visiting shortly, so that's all i'll say on that topic. she turns my emotions upside down and diagonal, i should know this, i DO know this, i just always forget and wonder what's wrong with me. just have to deal with it. sometimes it's unbearable i wish i could leave my own self behind. i guess i get to feeling irrational. cause there is not rationality to how i feel. every last person in this household gets on my last nerve, including myself, just by being around. why i don't know. i can't understand it. it's like i'm a bundle of open nerves and any slight activity, GOOD or bad, is disturbing. i simply can't explain it. but i have to deal with it. i refuse to take medicine for it. i used to feel better during it when i was on BCP. but no insurance=no extraneous medicine. and since i'm not getting "any" why bother LOL.

on another note, it's interesting to see the types of blogs out there. from teens, to professionals, to just golf blogs *bo0o0o0oring* to just vacation blogs in alaska or whatever state it was. just interesting. some just ordinary, well not in a bad way but i guess like mine, thoughts and feelings about stuff in their respective daily lives. and others from other countries. some in another language which is neat. but some of the other ones that are in english it is interesting to see what their daily lives are like, or what they have to say.

o i don't really know what else to post. i/m just in a *bleck* kinda mood. so whatever i write just might be tainted by my sour attitude. i WILL workout today. it's a beautiful day. and i need to get out. my folks went to gamble, YAY away! with money he bitches about not having. i better not start on this topic, i could write a book. least i don't have to deal with my mother being drunk by noon for the next few days.

i'm worried about finances. yes again. well this is *future worry*. i should really leave that to my best friend because she worries enough for everyone. really, she actually worries for everyone. it's a wonder she's not dead from over-worry. i'm just worrying about what i'll do when i start school full time. some people have told me i will find a part time job, but for some reason, i'm not so sure it will be that easy. i had been out of work for 6 months and it wasn't like i was getting offers falling at my lap so i could choose. i look at some of the people out there and i'm like, not a spring chicken anymore. i am not sure i'd have enough saved because these darn bills popped up that i needed to pay for and so there went my paycheck. *sighs* its a never-ending cycle. o well, i know i shouldn't worry, just so hard not to. especially if well, tomorrow doesn't come. that's always a possibility too. gosh if tomorrow doesn't come, i'll have wasted today. best get going then.....