I'm so happy I could cry

well the old boyfriend came over to replace the radiator/fan/cover. i don't know how to repay him, he won't take much. i'm sooooo glad he helped, saved me bunches of money. although that damn parts were over $200 *choke*. tried junk yards but ya know toyotas are hot, they get stripped when they get in there so they had the trucks just nothin i could use. i'm so grateful. i have to get those h00ters gift certificates for him. told him if he wanted a good steak dinner, booty call, whatever, that i'd be happy to. he probably feels sorry for me. can't wait til i move so i won't bug him. sometimes i just feel like i'm useless ya know? he used to do so much more of course while we were goin out and i have no idea how i was of any benefit to him in the relationship. well except the standard stuff. i wasn't a bitchy girlfriend, least not until the end. we both had been bitchy. i seem to want out after the second year. i've seen the pattern. we lasted 4, so after the 2 mark it began going downhill. we both knew it wouldn't work---he drinks way too much---i wasn't in love, or so i say, others say i was *eyeroll* ya whatever. i loved him don't get me wrong, but lots of other things weren't gonna fit for the long haul, we both knew it discussed it early on, just hate when it ends. he regretted kicking me to the curb, but it wont ever be the same if we went back out. never is. he tells me funny stories about when he goes out, some of the dates. he seems to find the women that want the $$, the car, and to get married, which he doesn't want to do ever. that's why we worked for a while, i wasn't pushin for any of that, we were fine, i could have lived there if i wanted but i just couldn't. i am not high maintenance like most women, so he says. which is a good thing i suppose. but if i didn't get laid i don't think i'd have applied to art school. no time like a life-changing abrupt event to go for what you've been WANTING to do but keep sayin *i will i will when...(insert something here*. ah well i guess i just don't trust anyone enough. i don't know i just don't feel like dealing with why i don't trust anyone and why i'm not married blah blah. i actually wouldn't mind it, but just isn't in my cards. he's a good man, we just arent on the same path most of the time. ah well, now that it's fixed, wonder if i should head to work...or stay home ;)