Anxiety alert

i'm so trying not to be anxious but it so is not easy. i didn't get a chance to actually *cry* about all this and i'm on the verge. i haven't done any tai chi, except in my head and now i've forgotten the end of the form. the f*er didn't even respond to my email about geting a dvd and staying in touch as a student, so F him, really.

i have to live in a utility room *but i'm not complaining because i could have no room, or house for that matter*, but it has great big windows and i get the morning sun. i have to take shit back to my parents which i'm sure will bitch and moan, he always does. like we are his children but he moans about having to help us. and we don't even ask for much. i've never asked him for money. just a roof over my head when i was financial strapped. my brother, who has NEVER MOVED OUT AND IS NOW WHAT 7 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME I'M 35 YOU DO THE MATH, has done squat there. hell he SAT THERE while my father and put my shit in the trailer. WTF is that.

ok anyway i'm here. but i'm worrying about hte truck now which needs an idler arm. great. i called the ex cause i didn't know what to do. i always think i'm getting raped at these auto places, but looks like i should get it. hell the truck has over 200,000 miles on it. just that was after the bursar's office told me i had a balance for tuition. my eyes popped out like WHAT?!?!?! but i hadn't signed the promissory note so i did and that should be squared away thank god.

then i got all frustrated because the wireless wouldn't work at the library at school. now mind you i had to walk through the *seedy* side of savannah which is just about every other block. i had to park near MLK blvd. see this campus has no *set* campus. the buildings are strewn around the city and parking is at a premium. i was going to get the Club at school *they sell it for only $10* because i'm so nervous about leaving hte vehicle anywhere. granted the ex said i could use the old one i gave to him but hell that's been sitting. that car has been stolen twice, returned twice, so i have legitimate concerns about my truck. then again it is not fancy so that helps me i think, i hope, so i'm told. hell the truck passes as a construction vehicle, at my last college everyone around me got parking tickets and i didn't when i parked in a NON PARKING area haha. i've lost 5 pounds so far, combination of not eating and walking more. yay. but now i have to decide what crap to keep, and what to sell, toss, keep somewhere else.

this is stressful. i don't have a place of my own, i feel like a transient. shit in boxes, everything i own either having to be stored yet again, do i really NEED it, etc. by the time i get done here *TWO YEEARS AND A HALF MAYBE and counting down* i will have very little. i went from owning a lot to paring and paring down. then again, simplicity is best. that's what i want right? just really hard to let go because i associate my worth to the things i've acquired. sad eh?

i also feel alone. o granted there's a house full of people, but i feel alone. i don't know anyone, and granted that will change in time. finally someone helped me at the library, and it only turned out the password was wrong. thank god for help desks! not that it's of great importance but this is a stress relief for me. this and exercise and i haven't done much of that yet, although i know where all the fitness centers are and will be taking some classes. hey they have ballroom dancing, KEWL. kickboxing is at the top of my list. taught by one of the deans, bonus. i know a lot of people have their own problems. my sister has tons of issues and i realize that i can't help her. she wonders why her own life is a mess, but these past few days i realize she doesn't spend enough time taking care of things, she goes out quite frequently, spends more than she should, and to boot this friday is her last day of work, with no new job in the wings. hmmmm. *zip* i am very opinioniated so it's hard for me to keep quiet but i am.

so now i have to decide what to do first.....which boxes to keep etc. i have my *social* tonite woohoo, free food. hey i'm poor now so i'm takin advantage of the free shit LOL.

i wasnt' sure whether to keep this dog either. her dog is all over, and i can't manage both. my dog is ok, but he has *sprinting out the door and running around the area* issues which he can't do here because of all the cars. i know my parents will bitch at having to keep him. *sigh* it's so nice when you have family that helps *eyeroll*. maybe i'm asking too much......

that's why i don't ask

*now i feel a little better*