Ho hum

well i'm feelin kinda........down. not sure why. i mean i'm glad i'm here but i guess looking at my credit card balance, isn't a real pick-me-up. i just transferred two to one card but i still have a hefty balance. i know, my own fault, and it's not unmanageable, but i feel like i've failed because i used them. after being laid off i kind of made use of my credit. then when i got the new job i was saving some for living off of and haven't made a dent in the bill. so now it hovers. i know i can't worry about it. because if i can't pay it i can't. i was thinkin of sellin my stock, but that's not something i wanted to do. not for credit card balance. i'll have to see what happens when my student loans hit my account, and IF i get anything back. which i do but it's so freakin confusing. they pay half now, half later blah blah. stupid.

and now i have to learn a whole different way to manage my time. before i worked all day. so naturally anything i did i did after work. now i have a lot of time, somewhat, and have to draw. omg there is a drawing assignement due every monday and wednesday. ya know how long it's been since i've drawn? i tend to procrastinate, whcih of course is what i'm doing now. at least i set up my still life. i just am such a perfectionist i don't want to draw it. i need to just get off and do it. so i'll give myself another hour. then do it. some of it anyhow.

i'm also distressed because i cannot find my digital camera i just purchased. it has to be here SOMEwhere just not sure what box. i haven't unpacked everything because somet things have to go back.

today is a day where i'm thinking. "what have i done".

and i feel alone. yes i do. granted i met people at school but ya know will i REALLY hang out with them. i'm so not thinkin so. and only male company i can get is online. that's lame i know. hell one doesn't even talk to me anymore. i will feel better once i hit the gym. i hate going back to my parents this weekend with all this stuff to do but i have to get my snakes and take this shit back. i hope i can sell them. i don't really want to but i need the money.

*sigh*

P.S. thanks for the orgasms anthony haha!