Thinkin too much

yup there is such a thing. and i do it. A LOT. well thinkin is good but just some days i wish i was just ignorant to things. it seems like it would be a whole lot easier. because i get frustrated, worry too much about things that haven't happened but COULD, and usually worry over nothing, or then i worry too much that it actually comes true because it WORRIED IT TRUE.

but i had gone back to the folks' house this weekend to take a few things back. turns out i came back with just about the same. so lotta good that did me. although i didn't get my plants. hopefully my mother won't kill them. they've gone through a lot and i actually saved one from a former boss and it's doing quite wonderfully now. so i'd hate to have it on death's door again. but i would like to keep things, so that i may have them for WHEN and IF i get my own own place again. hopefully without a roomie but who knows. but ya know, i have some very either inconsiderate or just not thoughtful parents. now i'm sure that sounds harsh but.....can i just say, i'm glad they had a good time WATCHING ME load and unload my truck? no one offered to help. now granted i don't ask. i got the shit in there myself i can get it out. but is this the standard for parental support? i don't get a discussion on how things are with me here now that i've been here a week. no wondering what is goin on. my brother practically is in the WAY of my moving stuff, i mean really, get your ass up. but ok hey i don't expect anything out of anyone. really. and now you know why. my father actually complains because he has to "help" us. i've never needed money, well i have but i would never ask my family. i never needed to be bailed out of jail, drug rehab, out of an abusive relationship....none of that bad shit. but yet he complains that i have to "leave a few things" in the house OUT OF THE WAY MIND YOU! he only uses my former room for computer stuff. hey if he's in there all day not my problem now, but he doens't need the storage. they have enough shit that they uselessly paid for and don't use. my father is king of wasting money. but he screams cause he's gotta pinch a nickel out his ass to help a daughter (not me). granted i wouldn't have loaned my sis money either (she has yet to pay back a lawyer fee of a few thou). but like my best friend's father, who i might add really is worse, if you ask for something from them, you are going to hear about it for the rest of their life. so i don't ask. so i'm saddened that i can only thank my family for their lack of support. then again, perhaps i ask too much. granted, even my beer-swilling mother, at least got my things in order, laundry, my snack bag, etc. so i could easily move it. to that i appreciate. and it's not like they call us or write when we have been independent. it's like we got out of the nest, buh-bye. seriously, when my father DID call me, the first question i would ask is "what's wrong" because that's the only time he called. well guess what? i'm not there to take his ass to the hospital. who's going to do it? not my mother she will be drunk or can't drive because she doesn't know where she's going. not my brother. o i guess it'll have to be someone! because i'm not going to be there.

well i was tryin to have a happy post HAHA! but no really, i was getting all worked up about my truck. after being told i OWED money to the school, which ireally don't but that upset me, then the repair place tells me i have to have the idler arm replaced before they do an alignment. ok WTF? does that have to do with the alignment. i did a search and looked up the part and what it does etc. now that was going to set me back another few hundred dollars that i can't spare. here i am without my auto mechanic. but thank god he's still willing to be mine. you see, i'm not proud, but i don't like asking for any help. because, not that i wouldn't repay anyone, but they usually expect it twofold or more or want something i can't give. and i don't want to be "owing" anyone. that's just me. i would gladly pay my ex for his services, just not the going rate. hell i can take it to the shop if he was gonna charge me that. but he doesn't mind helping and i'm so grateful. i just feel like i can't give him much. i mean we are totally different in some respects. he doesn't care about a lot of *things*. and i can't offer much besides money or photography or ya know that kinda stuff. well i can offer ME, and well that will work too! but he won't take my money. and i don't want to put him out. but we agreed, and he doesn't mind helping. and i don't mind either haha! that saves me money. and mutual benefits. so that relieved my mind because here i'm thinkin somethin is gonna fall off of the truck. which it wont'. oh and want to know what ELSE is freaky???? driving along at 75 mph when the speedometer decides to go to 0. freaky. so now i have that problem. hopefully that won't cost over $200. least the ex says it SHOULDN"T. so far the repair place has done me good. everything they've said needs repairing, does. and G-man says that a good mechanic was looking at my truck because the slippage in the idler arm is very very minor but will need to be replaced and most people don't look at such things. so i'm glad to know there are some decent people out there.

then saw a big ass spider that i had to photograph but i didn't have my larger lens. so i'll post what i could get. tried out the new digital. SWEET! i bought a Canon 10D from the place i worked. got it for half the retail price. so even sweeter. now i'm set with my cameras. now i just need better lenses but that's a project for another future.

i had done my first drawing in o several years and it wasn't too bad, but i didn't work on it as long as i should have. i don't care LOL. i'm just glad my drawing wasnt' the worst (how awful right>)

my computer class will be somewhat a breeze thank goodness. i need as much help to get back into the swing of full time student. a lot different than full time work.

my history of photo class, should be a real trip. i can't wait.

i hope to provide more positive aspects to the week. i;'m tired of always seeing things in a negative light right off. my comfort zone being blasted to smithereens is tough on my mind haha!

so for now i'm off to read i suppose. the wireless here stinks since i'm "borrowing" but i hope to keep posting regularly.