In my head

You know, I just am not sure what to do. There are so many things swarming around in my head that I'm getting overwhelmed and Im wanting to just shut down.

But I'll try just to stick to the facts from the past few days for now.

I didn't go see my dad over the weekend. I thought about going but didn't. I did speak with him and he assured me he was fine so I didn't go, although maybe inside he did want me to go even though he said no.

G-man did come to visit and we TREKKED on out to the Cockspur Lighthouse. Needless to say it was an adventure! I have to adjust the RAW files but I will have some to post shortly. After all the drama it was actually quite fun. Getting up at the butt crack of dawn is always interesting. I know, most if not all of you do that on a daily basis. When I do get up at those hours I am reminded of how much the military does get done before 9am. Hell we were done everything 30 minutes prior on the one day! But it's nice and quiet at that time. Sure there was a lot of traffic but we were far enough away. A lot of deer out too. And a nice coating of fog. I am going to send in the Fort Pulaski photo that is my favorite to the National Parks PHoto contest and see if I can get it up on National Geographic's website.

Anyway, I think I had my second or third panic attack in my life. We had to WADE out there, and I use that word LIGHTLY. To me, wading is like hip deep. WELL, it was like boob deep! And I'm like 3 inches taller than G-man. Anyway, I don't know why but I was thinking all kinds of horrible things that could happen. Like the current taking me away and me not swimming. THen I felt like I couldn't breathe. HE was laughing at me but also kinda tellin me to shut up. I can swim, not great but I can, but I had about $10,000 worth of equipment with me so I was freaking out about that. It wasn't too cold. Actually the second day was colder because it was warmer out. But I made it across. We did wait a little longer for the tide the next day so it was only hip/belly button deep on the way out to the little island but then coming back it was up to boob high again. That tide sure does come in fast.

But I made it across the gap and took my photos. I'll have to photograph the gap with a boat in it because it looks deceptive. When there isn't a boat in the gap it looks like it's not that far across, but when you see a boat in the space it looks really far apart to go from the main island to the little piece the lighthouse is on.

OF course a kayak would have been the best way but 1) I like to do things the harder way and 2) I don't have the money. Although I suppose he could have forked it over, but then he wouldn't have forked over that much for me to spend in Australia :)

Which leads to my other dilemma.......he's been kind of supporting me.......which I of course have begun not to feel guilty about taking the money he gives (it's a few hundred dollars either when I visit him or he visits me, which isn't often). And he did offer for me to stay with him when I finish here, which, in actuality, I don't have anywhere to go when I do finish my education. But there are pros and cons to staying with him and I'm just trying to keep that shit at bay while I finish up here. Bad enough I have thoughts about my whole dad-in-the-hospital thing and finding money for the last two quarters of school since I ate up all my financial aid.........