Picture this

Ok let me type out this scenario for you. You have to picture it in order to try to understand it, to imagine it, to know you have had days you felt like this. You know when things just go wrong and sometimes it feels like you are struggling against everything under the sun to just hold on. Ok here goes:

You get in your car or truck or whatever vehicle you drive that has a windshield. You start the vehicle, letting it warm up a little. You see a bug, usually for me it is a little spider cause they do the nasty in my truck and then i got tons of lil' ones crawlin around until they find their way out. But this day it was some winged thing, tiny, you could squish in the blink of an eye. But big enough to see, and plant it's little feet on the windshield. Anyhow, I of course talk to it like it can hear me, "you better get off before you get sucked into the wind buddy". He looks at me with a thousand eyes like whatever. Ok so i back out of the driveway. He's caught a little updraft but he stays there. Ok so i put it in drive and floor it! No i don't floor it but it sounded good. Ok so I'm picking up speed and his wings are flittering away. Ok I'm thinking, he'll be gone here in a second, I stop at the sign, make my turn, pick up speed to 40, ya know just trucking down the roads until the light. And the bugger is still there. I'm like lordy you certainly really want to stay on this windshield. Well, he was still there. So i'm going down a two lane road and the speed picks up to 60. Still there. Just amazing to me. Here he is, this fragile little bug, who should have gotten whisked away and died from the speed, and he's sittin there holdin on for dear life. Struggling, to me, for no reason.

I've had days where I feel like that. Only mentally. I struggle with myself too much. I struggle with hurting other people, whether a guy, a friend, or even these people I interviewed with who really like me but I decide I dont' want to take the job. It wouldn't be so bad if they were shitty interviewers. Or just friendly people. I know I'd enjoy it, but I need to rack up as many bucks as I can til I go to art school, and I unfortunately need to do that with a full time job. Although going part time would allow me to finish my cleaning up and moving process faster, as well as finishing both classes I'm taking now. Such a struggle for me, cause I just am too caring, even sometimes with people I don't know.

Also, when I was driving back from Key West to my grandmother's in Sarasota, a butterfly got stuck to a windshield wiper. And damn you all if you don't know, they are the most fragile bugs I know, they can die easily just by touching their wings, something in our skin i think i don't know either way they are fragile. and i'm watching his poor wings getting that wind-blown look you see when you have flags or something flopping in the wind for so long. well we were going like 70. i stopped at a McD's to pee and grab something to eat and came out and took her off thinking she was dead. Nope she was still alive....just with less wingspan LOL. i'm sure she didn't make it too much longer. Butterflies are my favorite, I was saddened.

Nothing much else to type on. I don't want to bore you folks LOL. Although I do love the picture posting hehe. I have to take my TIFF files and save copies as JPEGs if ya wanna see some work. I also need to find out how i can make sure that if someone right clicks a photo they can't take it. Y? My canadian sister?? Er uh FRIEND? HEHE, do ya know?? LOL you so smart *suckin up* o and seXAY. hehe.

speaking of, as i'm going through my photos, i'm trying to organize them right? cause trust me i have thousands of photos and they are just thrown in boxes. yet i have albums, which they too are still in boxes, so i decided before i move i better consolidate boxes LOL. so i have one album dedicated to my yearly internet trips. i'm hoping to make this one this year. so i have California, Ohio, Chicago, and Las Vegas. It's so funny looking back on some of these things. I have Y standing with Merle while he's cutting Life's hair. I have LL driving down the highway in the rental mustang. O what else. I haven't taken too many. I have JC coloring Roxy's hair LOL. Actually they weren't good photos so I think I threw them out. I have a bunch of us in smarty's car heading to the pier. Boo and Netty. Those are in black and white. I have some of the ferris wheel i have to print and put in a book, since they are black and white. o0o0 and the other black and white ones with everyone stickin their butts out, from boo to smarty to wids and anakin *snicker*. hmm Vegas i don't think i took many at all. I had some of JC but i can't seem to find them. I think i just have stuff like the strip, no people pics. hmm. california was a man i *sigh* just loved. so that's not from a group trip. and i missed the canadian trip. and there wasn't one last year. so i hope to get to this years and i'm takin boo-coo pics with my new used camera LOL.

anyhow, i best get to working on something today. Supposed to be in the 60s so i'll take the dog out and about. now that i'm working i only have two days instead of seven to work on packing, organizing, throwing out and moving. so TTFN.

o ya doncha just love my profile pic hehe?