Routine

ya know, ya get so in a routine, that you hate it. yet now that my whole routine is being changed, i actually kind of miss the old ways i did things. i mean i knew what to do from 8-5 blah blah. then well granted i didn't manage my time too wisely after work, but at least i had some sort of idea. dog=feed, out. which usually meant we hiked. then, watch a little tv, get on the computer. of course i tried not to do the last two items until later because once i'm on one of those, have to pry me away. now i have no tv. or rather the people i'm living with don't. well no cable, since the tv is in his room. ok i can handle no tv *with the exception of survivor*. i might have to start getting my brother to download it. i missed the first 15 minutes, which was no big deal but still. that's 15 minutes out of less than an hour of program LOL. hopefully the neighbor will keep the wireless connection open so i can use it. as the person here has no computer. no phone either i might add. just a cell. which reminds me of someone i used to date, briefly.

i am sooooooo trying not to be judgemental but i figure this: if we were not human that would make us christ-like right? well i'm not going to apologize for what i think or feel since i'm not christ or any variation of him i'm going to have an opinion about someone based on their actions. i used to date a man from italy. not just an italian man----a man from italy. there is a difference. that difference would be he was not americanized. which meant he was quite difference in attitude. he had no responsiblities. or rather if he did, he did not really deal with them. maybe he didn't i don't know. when he came here with the company he was working for he lived in a hotel until his company hooked him up with proper living arrangements. he never cooked/ate where he slept so he always ate out. he had not bills, or i'm assuming he didn't (we didn't date for a really long time). he had very little clothes, very little material things. heck can only have so much in a hotel. he was pretty free to do what he wanted. no pets, no kids, no spouse to tie him down. he said when he goes out with and likes someone he spends *every minute he can to be with that person* (that's what bothered me, hence we didn't go out long). granted i like being with someone, but i have other things i like to do ALONE. when we went hiking, we didn't *hike* per se as he was glued to my hip on the way. he couldn't understand why americans did not want to spend a lot of time with their significant other. i couldn't explain it so that he could understand. granted i know some americans who DO like being glued to each other, but it seems to be a rarity, at least at my age. now i type this story because i've moved in with my sister and her boyfriend. my sister for some reason has had some sort of deterioration when it comes to her responsiblities, for whatever reason, and in my opinion (although in brief, she went from anal retentive OCD housekeeper to well just letting it go along with her bills, checking her mail, laundry etc.). of course she has reasons for this. now her boyfriend is a bachelor. looks it by the way his house is kept==it isn't really. just basics. when i came here, no food in the house really, whatever was in the fridge was spoiled or some of it. i doubt he's used the oven or stove, since he sets papers up there on the top. lots of dust lets say. backyard, well it's a scene out of the Amazon. ok i can deal. but it just is funny to me how others' priorities are so different, or have changed drastically. now he does have two kids. he is usually out though. this past week i think he actually only came to the house once this week to make shrimp boil. the rest of the time he is out, a couple of times at kids' events, the rest of the time at the pub. at first i wondered if it was all the estrogen all of a sudden, but from the niece i gleaned that he pretty much goes out a lot. hell he's a bachelor who does not have his kids on a regular basis.

i can handle some things, yet i have no patience for a lot. i suppose it's my increasing age. i have no tolerance for dilly dallying. i can see i have a lot of adjusting to do to a different lifestyle. being in school was easy as a kid. you didn't know what it was like being a grown up, doing grown up things, having grown up responsiblities. granted i choose to go back to school full time, but it is so NOT like school as a teen. i worry more about things. i still have responsiblities. i'm debating on whether i can handle keeping this dog while going to school. i mean i can't just stay out day because i have homework etc, because i need to take care of the dog and spend time with it (which i have issues with because of the other dog in the house that is home all day without anyone, least until i got here and have to take care of it). they expect the dog to be in the house all day and not shit or pee inthe kennel (because he knows better). as i said in a previous post....i'd like to see them go over 8 hours without shitting......but anyway, i am so trying not to let my anxiety rule me at this stage. trying to concentrate on my classes as drawing is enough to kill me. i can't worry about the other stuff, unless of course something drastic happens, which i hope doesn't. i just also hope i get the rest of my loan money so i can take care of this truck issue.....i also need to confirm that i have training with the company i left for a PRN job. and if i can work during my breaks in atlanta. it would be so nice to have that to go back to during break, to at least get a little income. it's scary not having any.....but scarier when you dont' have any because you purposely terminated your job.

i can only hope i made a good choice