This chapter is closed

and soon i will be opening a new one. and it's scary. don't get me wrong. i'm really looking forward to leaving here. but it's sad too. and i feel so vulnerable when i'm sad. i have almost burst into tears tonite and i'm trying not to. o i will when i'm driving. i know it. but i don't want to yet. maybe i'm a wuss, but even though this was supposed to be temporary living here (two years) it wasn't and i've learned of places that i like. i met people that i like and will miss greatly. i have said most my goodbyes. but do i drop off one last note to the ex? i will miss him. i don't know if we will stay in touch. i dont know even if i should attempt to. i usually cut and run. don't look back, is how i've usually led my life. because once you look back you will see something you will not like, whether its pain or hurt or sadness or anger or just loss. i will drive the 4 hours (which will take me longer i'm sure since im' hauling every thing i own which isn't much, although packing it sure seems like a lot). and along that drive i will go through atlanta one last time. i will drive by the exit to six flags and my ex. i will go through that loooooooong ass stretch of highway where there's nothing. i will look back on my school, my teachers, my folks. my friends and even people i didn't like. my old job. but as i drive away from a lot of sadness, and some happiness, but also a lot of negativity

i drive to a new beginning. it's freakin scary like i said. at least for me. i used to love moving. but i guess as i'm getting older, i just want a place to stay. i would love to travel more, but at least know i have my OWN place. and i've never really had that. i've always lived with someone. for me, i guess that's the ultimate independence. maybe. but i've never been able to afford it on my own. maybe i'll get married. er i'm not holdin my breath now lol. so i'm looking forward with apprehension to my next phase. then what? i'm trying not to think about it. Dr. Wu says to not worry. OMG she doesn't know how that is for me to do. to NOT worry. but it's gotten better. my chi seems fine for now. i just hope i can keep it in order. i have this problem of slacking if i don't have some sort of guidance. i love tai chi, but i love it better when i'm practicing in the group. and there is no group where i'm going. hopefully my instructor will work with me here. we shall see. then again i havent' swung my sword in over a week. i will have to do so before i leave. or rather my bamboo since i'm nursing my elbow.

i so don't want to take my router down, but alas i must. i probably shouldn't even get back on. no one would miss me. so much to do. then again, i'll be working on my photo work, which means i'll probably be weak and still hit paltalk, and messengers LOL. i can be so weak sometimes *sigh*.

until i return......if it's in the cards........