Rabbits and squirrels and frogs OH MY!

that's right everyone, there seems to be a profound amount of wildlife right here in MY BACKYARD!! i don't mind the frogs actually, seems like the whole damn neighborhood is filled with them since all these fancy folk have those high-falutin' backyard pond things. but apparently our backyard has a nice little lake in it, nice in the summer with all the skeeters i tell ya. so now it's home to some froggies. which is cool cause like now i can photograph them or lick them or whatever i wanna do LOL. the only reason i mind the others is because the dog shoots out of the door like a greyhound out of the gate ready to tear apart the critter if he can get a hold of it while my body is still standing in the doorway and my arms are flapping behind the dog holding onto the leash. let me tell you it took me two, maybe three times to finally start bracing myself as soon as i open the door. let me tell you that's a workout in itself.

ok thought i'd use the huge font hehe. let me tell you, that's not huge hehe.

i thought about a lot of things lately, and i was going to just write them all here, but some things are just too personal, and well, i don't think some of you all want to know all my dirt. of course some of you might want to know my sleazy dirt, and one day i'll spruce this up lol. but then again it really isn't that spicy. i did have a year of well to ME it was wild, seeing some of the things i did i never had contemplated before, but compared to some people i A. know, B. know about, and C. hear from others, anything i've done is probably considered still virginal to some LOL. anyhow i'm running off....

in the summer, or end of, i will begin another chapter in my life, and i'm scared. for many reasons. i know i will have my sister, but i miss my friends. most are up north. i have one or two here but they are married which basically means i see them with their husbands. i have no men in my life here, well none that are *significant*, well besides the 'ex' but i'm not sure he really cares now that we aren't together. o sure he helped me with my truck but it just seems like he helps me and i have nothing to offer him in return. i offered ME but he hasn't taken me up on it yet LOL. i can't cook well so that's not really an option. and i offered him money. anyhow i'm running off again. so it will be a good move too (i'll be going to Savannah, that's IF i can get the money to go *sigh*), but just a bit scary. I don't mind moving, it's the "new" stuff you have to do when you start over. granted like i said i have my sister and niece, and her friends whom i know a little, but hell can't depend on them either. i'm just not much of a socialite. go figure, i'm a fucking libra and i'd rather be on the sidelines. money is a concern too. i do have this job that i'm trying to just keep saving, minus a damn credit card bill i have to pay. but the art school is private and i have to find money for it. YES i'm applying for scholarships, but at 500 words a pop and a million people out there competing, it's been dry. i'm 35. and i know it's not old, but it isn't young either. not that my clock is ticking, i think mine broke LOL. but it's just that ....hmm i don't know. my best friend and i will always be together, we may not be physically now, but i eventually am supposed to "go home", and well i seem to like wandering, and wouldn't mind continuing, but it's also nice to have the stability of my rock, and she is my rock. as i am hers. nothing is the same when we aren't doing it together, whether it be taking her kids to the zoo or going to The Zu together. for those that don't know, i had moved back in with my folks. and i will be very happy to get back out on my own, as there are issues here that i didn't realize were to the extent they are. granted i love my parents, but most times i do not like them, if that makes sense. i guess i hold some sort of grudge i don't know. or i have a warped sense of what parents should be, and how they should treat their children. granted i was given some sound advice, morals, etc. least i think i got them from my parents LOL. but when out on my own (and my sister is on her own) we don't hear from them. when they do call, i have to ask "what's wrong" because that's the only time they call. and actually my mother never calls. it's my father. i am the go-between here between my parents and my sister. they ask if i talk to her. well hell yes i do but i am not sayin i have, because they i have to relay messages. so i say, why don't you call her. first my father only called my sister to get the status on the money she is supposed to pay back for the child custody crap she had to go through. i usually don't give up or am no quitter, but i've stopped wanting my parents to be parents to me. there are other things but i have said enough as it is. just venting i suppose. my sister thinks i'm so confident. i am most times. but i put on a good show too. but don't tell her that lol.

well looks like i'm dateless again this weekend. not that i mind too much seeing as i am leaving in a few months anyhow. just would be nice to enjoy the nice weather with someone. well actually tonite it;s raining yet again. hence the lake in my backyard. it's funny i used to do a lot of things before i moved to georgia. i hope to do that again. i was a docent at a zoo, played soccer, was involved in a photo group, babysat for a church nursery. i like being busy. more difficult for me to meet people/make friends as i get older. i'm extremely cautious. hell i may not have been royally screwed over by people but i've had my share of being screwed. and not all with my legs spread.

o well i guess i've run off too much about my insecurities. i consider myself a strong woman, probably too much so sometimes for my own good, and i don't mean physically. but, as i hate to admit not being perfect, i am merely human. o speaking of, my fortune today in my cookie read something like "you strive for perfection". i taped it to my computer at work. sums me up *sigh*