Dating Sabbatical

i went to church with my friend and her family today, they are such a support for me, anyhow, i was talking to her daughter and she said she was not going to date for a year. she wants to see where God wants her to go. which i think is a great idea for her, she is young (20) and kind of like a tornado emotionally. boy something little just sets her off and she's gone *whoosh* but she's really a great kid. so i'm thinkin, you know what, that sounds like a great idea. for me. LOL. now i'm not doing it for her reasons, not that i don't believe in God or whatnot, i was raised Catholic (RIP Pope) but i've opened my mind to other religions and found a combination of things meets my needs better. i'm not atheist, i guess more agnostic. ANYhow, i've been cranky as of the past few days because of such turmoil with the freakin opposite sex. then again it is MY fault. only I can make myself feel a certain way. why i let it, i don't know, but it's gotten better over the years. i used to be real bad when my heart got broken or my feelings got hurt or something. guess it's that age thing. anyhow, i am just tired of getting my chain yanked. it's one thing when i want it yanked, but not emotionally. granted i wasn't in love with this guy, but i was rejected once, because his 'ex' showed back up. so you'd think i wouldn't go down that road again. granted i did, with much apprehension, yet i freakin walked down it. next time my ass is running in the other direction. well his ex is back again. FINE be gone. would be nice to know up front of such things. i don't mind using men, i've done it before, and that's fine if it's mutual, but i felt i was being just a pawn and i don't take kindly to that. good thing i wasn't within reach of my glove compartment in the truck. he'd be eating a .32 hollow point. well ok that's a little too much but it cleanses my mind LOL. but, it has started getting me thinking on negative notes, especially since i've got this school/finances/moving shit on my mind and leaving the one or TWO people i have gotten really close to here. so i'm thinking. yea i know you'll scream when i say this, "what is wrong with me". i know nothing is, just seems that way at this moment. and of course today i'm on the verge of tears, not just for this dating business, but other stuff, and every where i freakin look what do i see? FREAKING COUPLES! like go away already. i did some retail therapy today (helped some o0o0o i got this nice workout outfit, and i spent some money, which i normally just buy the cheaper ones, but damn this shit is nice, Under Armour, and i'm telling you, it feels like a second skin. almost as if i have nothing on, and i look DAMN good in it i must say, seeing as i put on 5 pounds) and that's all that is in the store, like it's "couples day" at Dick's Sporting Goods. well pffffft. so of course that's all i notice. now my clock isn't ticking. i don't think i have one. it's not that. it's i like being in a relationship. i do. i finally admit it. cause i used to think and tell myself i didn't yet the shortest relationship i've had was two years and it goes up from there. sure i've had the one-nighters and dates, but usually the dates turn into the relationship from the get go, so it's usually one date then *bang* relationship, hence my previous post on not knowing how to date now LOL. anyhow, i guess i'm back on that "will i find anyone" train. that's ok cause i'm not staying on as long as i've done before. this guy just helped me realize if things don't start off right, they won't be right. lesson learned. moving on, boat sailing, whatever. right now though i feel like crap and i could spit. maybe i'll lick that frog LOL so anyhow, the dating sabbatical, sounds like a plan. i'm moving, i don't need to be starting anything here anyway, to hell with the vaginally-challenged population, right now anyway, present bloggers excluded just don't piss me off LOL. it's all about me or will be once i'm out of my attitude LOL. i plan on taking these 5 pounds off and then some, meditating more, finishing up my classes, taking my trip to seattle (hopefully fingers crossed needing roommate), concentrating on my photography, and closing this book and will start a new chapter. (i have to write it out so that if it's in writing, i have to do it now cause it's here for all the bloggers to see LOL, not that anyone would give a damn what i did, seeing as i'm working on breaking my give-a-damn button).