Me-e-e-emories

omg i wasn't going to post until i moved but i had to put this down in case i forget shit haha! i am going through boxes under my bed. you know. the ones with things in them where you have to do something with, yet not right now, that you'll get to it but never do? well those are the things you forget you have.

one of my friends has posted about online shit, VP stuff (Excite's old way cool chat program that was free), and other stuff. well i used to save everything any one wrote me, friends, boyfriends, etc. but at each move i've made i go through the stuff and get rid of the extreme past. and now i've come across my VP things. i never thought i'd meet any one online when i began chatting, let alone sleep with them, or fall in love. needless to say that's all happened. not saying i don't meet people offline, but i actually have found it more preferably. i've even gotten two personal ads. not using them but i have them haha. anyway, so my trend for ways of meeting men have changed a lot. but anyway i digress.

so i found this manilla envelope with all my previous VP activites and meetings, and previous i mean before the Love Counselors meetings. i was in LC for well, ever, yet the people had changed. prior to the LC meets i hung out somewhere else too but not sure where haha. anyway i went to Louisiana for a meet. and omg the memories these photos bring back. and i went to california to meet someone. well actually we met when i was in maryland but then i went to meet him too. he paid BTW. he must have been serious. so i thought. actually i know he was. i was going to live there. but i couldn't. no i wouldn't. but i kept all his emails. this was in 1996. to 1998. i know i can contact him again, i actually thought about it. dropping him an email. but i'm not sure i want to open any new cans. i'll have to think about it. would you? anyway, during that time went to weesiana and met a group of people. i was friends with a woman online so we went together, we lived in the same area. omg i have so much to say. i will reallly have to put it in chapters. but i'll keep this as brief as i can, because i'm on a different string here. then beerguy was from kentucky, but in the army. i can't remember her handle but her real name is L and we went to visit her in LA. taino was from NY and he came down. and we all slept in ONE bed. omg it was fuckin funny. i took a photo of it. i'll have to scan it. nothing graphic. she just didn't have any place for us to sleep. eventually we found our places throughout her apartment. omg. do you wonder what every one is doing?? do you think about them??? do you want to talk to someone again?

i got email flowers delivered. i have email cards. masterman even sent me a video of portugal where he was stationed. i even have the email he sent to me by accident but was for someone else. yes it was a love letter. and that's when i realized i still can't trust people, even less so online. this was my first real chat experience btw so it wasn't like i was chatting forever. but when we met i figured maybe somethin was there. when he paid for my trip to cali, well he was in the military and not an officer so i'm not sure he could pay for a lot of women to visit. i have photos of him in portugal, his son also. i have photos of all of my trips pre and post VP. but these ones i forgot all about. so i have to squeeze them in my "VP portfolio". these are my online visits and usually zoo trips. i think i've gone to a zoo on each trip. wait no. almost every trip.

now this brings me to how i was also close to going to ireland. i so wanted to. but i had trust issues haha. plus he was in the irish army so that really wouldn't have worked. he went off somewhere with the military and so before he left i sent him some photos of myself and my panties haha. yup. he got them but of course the envelope was opened. then i never heard from him. i was worried. but then i came to realize ya know maybe he just got on with life, another online thing etc etc. well a year or so later. i get an email, or a message online, or something. i don't remember what but it was him. i was like whoa. well he had an accident blah blah and wnated to get in touch with me. i was like holy hell. not something i expected. he didn't want me to think he had discontinued our friendship. i was like well did it matter, but it did to him. i was like wow. if someone really didn't care why would they even bother, after such a long time. anyway, he had my photo in his pocket at the time of his accident and was sorry becuase it got all bloody. anyway, he had met a nurse while he was in the hospital and was really happy. o i was bummed cause i thought i'd get to go to ireland but hey, i was soo happy he was ok, and was happy in his relationship. do i believe him? yes. maybe i shouldn't for you skeptics out there but i *hope* i can realize good people. i hope. we havent' talked since that one time he reached me. i still think about him occasionally, just now i do because i happened across photos etc. i don't meet people often. and it takes me a while to do so. well usually haha!

no matter what pain that occurred, i was happy with each event i went to and person i met. it's so funny to see my own growth. to see some things change about me, yet some have not. my friend who i won't mention LL says she wants to learn to trust more. i have issues with that as well. as i look back i really truly couldn't trust any relationship i've had except the last one. yet i do some of the things that i look for in the men i was going out with. not al the time, just lately i suppose. i shouldn't demand trust when i won't even follow my own desires. yet another thing to work on. as if i don't have enough lol. but it's doable. at 35 i can do these things. might take me forever but hell.

so anyway.........i just thought i'd post. i love photos. they will always invoke the memory of that moment, and then some. in most cases. and i wouldn't even remember this stuff if i didn't have the photo to look at. now i remember like it was last year or so. but shit, 1996. almost 10 years ago. i so cannot believe it........