Is this the Jerry Springer Show?

Know what I truly hate? When you buy a nice pair of thigh high boots, tan, to go with the two black pair you have. Then you decide that one of the black pair has to go so you toss the entire box. Only to realize after you’ve moved, you threw away the WRONG PAIR. Luckily I got those tan boots at 75% off, but that’s not the point. I can’t find a pair like that now. The heels are too pointy or too chunky. These were just right. *SOB*. I do know I want to get one straw hat and a pair of brown/tan boots. Probably not thigh high again *sob* but something shorter. I like to dress for comfort not glamour and since I walk a lot now I need comfy shoes. Guess I’ll wait til the end of the season AGAIN!!! I see the advertisements for those “gauchos” again. OMG am I having 70s and 80s flashbacks. You see, they look great on those people in the magazines and tv commercials but they so do not look good on ME. Why is that? I don’t get it. I would love to wear them but they are just not conducive to my shape. Or my shape is not conducive for gauchos? Yea I think that’s right.

Maybe I just have a major problem. Because I apparently see having children as something totally different from what others think having children means. That’s why I don’t have children. Perhaps that’s selfish but I don’t want to give up my freedom. I don’t want to have to mold someone into a good or bad person and have to instill my good and bad points into someone else who will take those good or bad traits and expand upon them with their own individuality and good/bad traits. I can barely take care of myself AND my dog. One of the reasons why I own snakes is that they are very easy to take care of. No muss no fuss. No training, no teaching, no punishing. Just feeding and cleaning and handling. Hoping they don’t take a chunk out of my finger because I handled their food and now I smell like food. Here was my scenario. Now I don’t think that people who have children should never go out without them for 18 years. I do think parents should have their own time. My problem with this though lies with parents who RARELY see their children. I can understand that divorcing and not having your kids that parent is kind of thrown into singlehood again. That now the parent has free time, goes out a lot, eats out so doesn’t worry about taking care of the house or keeping a stocked refrigerator. My problem lies when that parent who only sees their child/children twice a month or so and has to pawn said children off on babysitters so that person can go out for whatever reason. I also have a problem with someone deciding they want a “date” night, when they have someone else’s children, as in a sleepover. And >>>I<<< am the person that is designated babysitter. Now mind you, this other child’s mother is not expecting someone else’s sister to babysit her kid. And I will not be responsible if something happens. Hence my attitude when I said “you want me to watch my niece AND her friend?” I don’t think so. Out of all the days and nights, at the last minute they decide on a date night when it is my niece’s birthday and they are having a sleepover. I just don’t get the mindset. I seriously don’t. I’m really trying not to have issues here. But something is not working. I guess I just have a sour taste from the first time I got here. No amount of Orbitz gum is going to clean my dirty mouth haha!

But that's the least of my problems. Every other day there's a fight of some sort and I'm just at my wit's end. Time to just get out. I hate having to resort to living in a dorm at MY age, but I am out of options. I can't afford my own place, I have to even see if I can get an additional loan for housing. This whole living situation is a nightmare. I am just going to have to put evertying I own in storage (thank god for my friend, who is willing to help with the fee, which I really don't WANT to do, but it's that or get rid of my things). My parents aren't as supportive as I would have liked, but maybe I ask too much out of my parents (a place to sleep when I visit and to keep my things until I finish school). This is why I don't like to ask things of others. Not because I won't be happy to give in whatever way I can, but because I don't want to hear that I owe someone something for the rest of my life. Although I thought family was supposed to support, it's not like I'm stealing from them, living off them, not working to support myself, doing drugs or selling myself. I suppose I just have fucked up thinking. THank goodness for my FEW friends I have. They say I'm family and they are willing to help. Hell even the ex is willing to help (of course payment is arranged in another fashion haha). Maybe I should just burn everything I own and start totally fresh. I will just have nothing when IF I ever get my own place.

I'm bitching I know. Must stop. Then again what would I write about??? I'm trying not to let this drama effect my school work. Luckily it hasn't. I still need to get my ass to working out, I need to finish my porfolio lists and I haven't. Again I have to resort to staying away from the house because I just can't stand being there. Least it forces me to work on my projects haha. Then again I"m close to the beach and I have a strong desire to hit the beach........*sigh*