Butt cramps and other shit that means nothing

I have been trying to get back into an exercise routine since my life doesnt' consist of being active for 8 or more hours a day in a job. And it's not easy let me tell you. I do interval training which is the best for ya, well according to the millions of magazines I read. Now granted I don't believe everything I read, but it makes sense. To get your heart and muscles pumping then push them to the limit then let them rest for a few only to surprise them into thinking they are gonna rest forever and pump em some more. Of course my head gets involved and screams "WTF are you DOING? Stop it NOW it hurts!" But I try to override those thoughts. It gets harder during Flo's visits but it's doable. And working out makes me feel so much better. It's just getting to that point you know? Anyhow, the last couple of jogs I get this nasty butt cramp. I'm like WTF???!! Who gets a butt cramp. I've had shinsplints and just general muscle soreness but a BUTT cramp? C"MON!!! I need to stretch more but it just puts a burden on me and I don't want to stop just cause of this damn cramp. I don't, I jog through it. Luckily it doesn't get worse. I need to get more bananas in my diet. I can't really remember having a butt cramp before. Charly horses, yes. Or i get cramps in my feet on occasion but that hasn't happened lately thank god, they are the worst i think.

I would love to get another tattoo but for financial reasons that won't happen. But I think about it a lot because I will get another one.

I want a Chinese character I think. Granted my tai chi practices are practically non existent right now but I hope to work on that after my holiday trip. Or a tribal band. But I want something that means something to me. THen I thought, "HEY I can be a tattoo artist!!" Er not. Drawing is a struggle for me. Even though I get compliments on them, it is a backbreaking process for me because it has to be perfect and perfection takes forever for me. So making up tattoos wouldn't be good. I would have like one customer a week if I did that shit LOL. I've thought about

紅蓮

or

小姐

with a lotus flower

who knows. I need to finish school.

Yea I worry a lot. That's my nature. I look back and wonder about things. Granted I've failed at things and that is ok. But I have been wondering lately if I am a failure. I mean here I am going back to school at 36, no that's not a reason, but I am pursuing a degree that's highly competitive, even though lucrative, if/when I do finish. Yes I worry if I will have what it takes to make it in the field and I just don't know. I know I'm no salesperson, I have a hard time marketing myself for jobs let alone trying to do it as a career. Sure that's a ways off but I will have to start something now. I don't consider myself a leader, but I can be in some cases. I don't simply follow majority, as I have my own ideas. I know I am a person who needs structure. I am not extremely self-disciplined, I just need guidelines. I've been piecing out my personality because I need to know what skills I possess, what I don't, what I CAN get, and hopefully use. I guess I just feel I should be somehow better in certain aspects and I'm not. I haven't changed in some respects and I don't like it.

Ah well, enough of that crap. It's the holidays and I should be excited. But I'm not much of a holiday person. I like to celebrate when the niece is around, I think that's just the best to see her innocence and joy. I am heading to the great white north from what I hear (it's been in the 50s almost 60s here so I have to dig out my thermals haha). I am looking forward to the getaway but I am lining up some jobs I was hoping to start before the holiday. But I'm hoping I will get something working after the first.

I am ok with that @sshole from previous blog. It just irks me when men behave that way. And hormones tend to take over my brain. I so hate it. It really was no biggie but at the time it was. Men schmen. I just want some company. I miss my friends and they aren't in the same state. It's hard enough meeting people myself, at work, but since I'm not working it's million times hard. I'm not an outgoing person regardless of what my friends or people that know me believe. there is a bar right down the road, actually a few. but I don't feel comfortable going to those places by myself. but i'm workin on it. socializing is not a comfortable thing i do. got a church thing lined up (ya i'm not really a churchgoer, but we'll see), got a club lined up, actually two, one in school and one out.

Let's see, not much else to comment on. Basically finishing up my apartment. Got a lot of crap from my parents and trying to put away/throw away/sell it. Before another grueling quarter starts!