Off for a while

why do i do the personals thing? i don't fuckin know. cause i don't do well in the social scene. that's why. people don't take second looks at me unless i'm lookin nasty lol. i don't do the bar thing. i don't do the partying thing. i don't know anyone here. eh so i did the personal thing. it hadn't been too bad. i'm just having a moment. it's nice to have some company, of either sex. of course the opposite sex is also a lot better hehe.

anyhow come the new year i have changes and sacrifices to make. i won't be getting phone service so no internet service. which isn't too bad. i can hang out at the library but makes camming a little difficult! so not too many postings will be up. not that i have a massive amount of readers or feedback (i do appreciate the ones i do have though!) and since it is my blog and easier than writing in a journal, although i don't put anything too deep or dark in here, some postings won't be commentable. which means they are just mine. whatever thoughts i have that really pertain to nothing besides my own emotional mess. which really don't need commenting. so ya might not wanna read those haha. others i'll post that i think could be commented on. maybe put a few pics up. yada yada. i just can't work on it so much.

i'm gonna be working out like a fiend (I hope). i need to do something for me. granted i could have it worse, but i'm feeling really down the past few days. so i am going to focus on myself more. not in a selfish way, but i'm not as strong as i thought i was and things are just kickin my ass. this is the scariest part of my life so far. hell i wasn't even scared being left in the desert with nothing but what i brought. and at that time i thought it was scary. especially when you look back and realize you don't know which way you came because it all looks the same. but quitting a full time job, having no money, going to school full time, not working, having to pay for this place. it's scary to me. at this age. sure easy to say get a roommate but i'm picky LOL. otherwise i'd live with my sister. sure easy to say go out and apply for a job, but it's a lot harder than it sounds. i'm in my 30s and working part time, for a WHOLE lot less than i was? that's even if i get hired. nothing like rejection. whatever form it is. i'm not handling it well now. why i don't know.

going to baltimore for the holidays. i want to go, i miss my friends tremendously, but i didn't want to stay for two weeks. school starts january 4 and that cuts it close. but i will enjoy it. minus the cold. i love the warmth down here hehe.

well enough whining. i best get off my ass and run a little. getting in shape is no easy task i tell ya.

happy holidays to all who pass by. and happy new year!