Things here and there

I do love my sister. But I'm simply really tired of hearing the "woe is me" speech EVERY day. We had another type of "confrontation" the other day. She thinks everyone believes she always does the wrong thing; she can never do the RIGHT thing. She has no money. This car is killing her financially. She doesn't like her job (AGAIN; this is a new one again, I think this is her third since I've been here which has been a year).

So I ask her: do you think you are the only one with money problems? do you think you are the only one struggling to raise a child by yourself? do you think you are the only one who works and goes to school? what do you want OTHER people to do for YOU? apparently we aren't DOING anything FOR YOU to HELP YOU out of YOUR TROUBLES.

She says she wants people to help, yet when they do (it's not the help that SHE wants, for instance, some of her friends had asked her to dinner but she can't afford it, so they offered to pay, but she declines, now they don't offer to pay ALL the time so it's not like she is sucking them out of money every time they go out).

SHe complained she had no one there to help her move (she had a couple of guys help who were part of a program a friend works for, she had to pay but not nearly as much as a moving company. I guess she was trying to guilt me by complaining how no one helped her move because I didn't. I did help her with her stuff in storage but that was all. I can't remember what I was doing).

Every time I talk to her on the phone, she is "at the mall or at the store". Um ok but DONT YOU NOT HAVE ANY MONEY, SO WHY ARE YOU SHOPPING FOR SHOES AND CLOTHES? Granted yes I know my niece needs clothes, but every week????

She doesn't know the MEANING of the word poor. I don't really either, although I'm closer to it. NONE of us know. I look at my photos of my father's past and remember my grandmother's and father's stories. How they only had one pair of shoes for years and in the photos you could see they had holes and such in them. Yet my father didn't feel poor. My grandmother wouldn't "tell" them they didn't have much. They just didn't. But they made the most with what they had.

SO anyway, I tell her I don't want to hear her complaining anymore. If you are going to complain about something, then CHANGE it. If you won't, or really can't, then shut the fuck up. I know I complain about things, but the same thing over and over and over again NO. I am trying to look for resolutions to change the things I dont' like in my life. I'm trying not to be such a pessimistic person and it's hard when everyone around you is. (oh yet my sister will tell you she's not, HA)

Don't you hate when people call you, then never leave a message. Yet they keep calling, and calling, still you don't answer?? UM helLO! NO ONE WILL ANSWER THIS PHONE SO LEAVE A MESSAGE! It's someone I don't recognize but a local number. I failed to answer the last number and it was actually the new girl I had just trained at work. OOPS. I felt bad but ah well. She was at work until 6:30pm which is extremely late for us part time photographers! I did finally call after a few hours but she had called the boss.

I am so excited about this Australia trip. I'm not sure what to do with my energy (yea I should work out). Actually I've begun to yet again for the umpteenth time. Anyway, I'm reading up and gettin my AAA crap on Australia hehe. Wonder if they take student discounts over there! Wow the country is huge. I so wish I could at least hit all the major points and cities but there is no way in two weeks.

I did go to apply for food stamps. Looks like I won't get them for long. I will refrain from my prejudicial remarks for now, because then I'll start getting pissed off again. Apparently I can't get much aid unless I have a child (um sorry not poppin out a kid just to get money from the government). Now I am beginning to realize the CRAP one has to deal with in even trying to get assistance. They give me this sheet (or three) with shit I have to bring in to prove I am broke. So now it looks like I have a high rent and no way to pay for it (my paychecks would not be able to cover my full month's rent). SO then I know I will have to defend that. Ya know, I don't walk in every week with acrylic nails and a $100-300 hairdo. I don't walk around in designer brand name clothes (and if I DO they are so old). My disgust at the system is starting to boil and I'm not happy about it. Why do I pay taxes? To support those people who DO get their nails and hair done every week and drive up in a tricked out Cadillac with rims worth more than the car???? No I don't have four kids by different daddies but I also don't want to be on food stamps forever.

I can feel a letter brewing for Congressman Kingston here.....

One of the women I work with apparently has WIC for her and her kids. Yet she talks all the time about how she goes shopping and takes them to McDonald's all the time (and she is wondering why her three year old weighs 150 lbs.). Maybe I'm missing something. Granted I don't know everyone's situation, only what I see on the outside. But it seems I see, and even hear or know about, some things that just don't add up........

Yet because I am "an able-bodied person" (meaning I have no disability and can work and I'm not 70 or whatever the age cutoff is), I may not even get assistance at all.

I truly don't know how they all live. And I don't want to know. If it werent for of course the loans, I'd be one step from living out of my truck. And early on I thought I would have to do just that. No one can see in the back and I've got plenty of blankets.......

Began working on my personal project in Large Format. Was trying for the Alice in WOnderland idea, about using little notes that had two or three word commands on them. I was thinking about doing something against child abuse and/or exploitation. Now how to translate into my photographs.....the hard part. So far I came up with Love Me, Protect Me, Don't TOuch Me, Don't Hurt Me (or Don't yell at me, or something along those lines). Still trying to come up with more. And then how to photograph my muse. Hehe. My niece really is photogenic. We went to the Goodwill, got four items of clothes for $4.00, damn what a bargain, and nice clothes at that (a tank top from Limited Too, a dress that I think was an adult's but hey it was on the child rack, not MY Fault your staff can't put it in the right place). I was going to get the blue polka dotted pink elephant but it was $5.99 and it had a hole in the nose. Plus I think it would have made my photos look freaky. But in a good way, but maybe not for my series. Not sure. I may go back and get it. I also bought a faceless doll. My sister thinks it was an Amish doll, I say it's a Time-Out doll. Who knows but it's kinda cute and freaky at the same time. So here's hoping I can put what I am visualizing in my head on film. I'm actually thinking of taking a shot of my niece in front of the computer but the lighting sucks and I don't have strobe or hot light equipment. We'll see.......

THink that's it. I did my web page designs and have to adjust them. I was the first to go in critique and think I got the most reamed out. I hate going first. I'm always at the top of the list alphabetically! Hell by the end of the class no one wanted to critique. I've been at the end too (yay for those teachers reversing the attendance list!) but then I feel jipped because everyone wants to go home so they don't critique as well. Ah well, I got good feedback and I'll probably send it out to those folks who've seen it already. Not going to post it until it gets up online........

o0o0o0o Can't wait til G-man cometh. No not for the booty, but to photograph this lighthouse. I eyeball it every day I drive over the bridge. I hope it's not too deep a walk with my equipment. Only problem is low tide is at 7:40 something in the morning. Yuck. Not for the time but the lighting. THe sun will be up in the east and I don't want the sun behind the lighthouse. Not a lot of room to work with around it. We'll see. Low tide is up around 9am the next day so that might be better. Hopefully I'll get as many shots as I can and have ONE workable photo for my landscape project. *crossing fingers*

Well, guess that's about it in a [long] nutshell!