I simply don't want to do it

The prof shared with my photo partner and me an excellent photograph someone did in class for our flash and ambient light project. And now, I'm depressed. Frankly I don't even want to do the assignment. Reasons are......I cannot get a person to 'model' for me.......there are no Quantum flash kits available to check out........I do not have the money to rent a generator for the Travelite kits and even if I did, there aren't any of those for checkout either.

Maybe those are excuses. But seriously, half the shit doesn't work when you do check it out. And I don't really have anyone who can sit for me during the week. Of course, the prof told my photo partner that in the real world, would you tell a client that there aren't any kits to check out? Good thing I wasn't in on that conversation. Because I would sure as shit be jumping down his throat because A) if this college was the real world, we'd all be screwed. B) in the real world, people get charged/fined when they break shit -- "You break it you Buy it" C) the people in the real world in most cases know what the fuck they are doing. So I would of course tell him that in the real world, shit doesn't work like this, where there isn't enough equipment to rent, where the equipment is broken when you DO rent it, the people are KNOWLEDGEABLE about the equipment they rent, and of course, if there wasn't any equipment to rent at one place, I'd go to another and make it happen. Because I am in school, sure I could rent equipment but I DON"T HAVE THE FUCKING MONEY! THE SCHOOL should provide the shit for me to use, that's why I PAY THOUSANDS OF DAMN DOLLARS EACH YEAR TO TAKE THESE DAMN CLASSES.

It's a good thing he didn't say that to me. If he does, in class or not, I'm going to tell him how I feel. I can understand him speaking down or whatever to the "kids" but not to me. I have been in the real world almost as long as he, maybe not in the photography field, but in the business/corporate world. And it certainly works differently than the "college world". Granted it has its pros and cons, but "college world" is SO NOT real world let me tell you.

Assknat

Ok now that I got that off my chest.

I simply don't want to do the project. He chewed me out because he didn't like the first photos I have done with the flash and ambient light. Sure, he TOLD us how to do it, but never actually SHOWED us. I need visuals. I did try it though, and of course the composition wasn't great, my model was my boyfriend and he was drinking beer. Well you know what? I may just send his photo into Miller Lite cause it looks like an ad for them, albeit not the greatest in lighting, yet. So I was feeling bad after that critique. "You need to do portfolio quality work. Lose the beer. Don't photograph your boyfriend. Photograph in a better place." Well fuck you is what I felt like saying. If I knew how to use the equipment I might have done better, but I wanted to figure out how the shit works because of course we don't get MANUALS with any of the equipment and asking the checkout person is like asking the Pope how to use a flamethrower (who knows maybe he knows how).

I'm just irritated, deflated, and coming up on being sick of this school. I am feeling like I don't want to do anything related to photography. Sad huh?

Well I guess I'll eat my shoestring potatoes. I didn't work out as much today, but I was exhausted and my workout partner was not feeling good.

I guess practice practice practice will have me shooting better photos. But my problem is, I simply don't want to do it...........