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yea i'm drawing a blank on a title today. go figure. o i got this video clip in email from a friend and i went to the website that was emblazoned on it and i just about died. first off i tried the squares game which had me addicted cause i wanted to get a high score and it was just neat. then i looked at the portapotty video and my goodness i was just almost in tears. so i sent that to my friends in iraq wondering if they spend their boredom doing things like this. they are funny. anyway i haven't gone on a site like that in a long time. i have one for liquidgeneration which i like. they have tons of stuff and i like to literally laugh hard, cause it's good for ya. and lots of times life just wants to make ya cry so i love to laugh. i am especially fond of *who'd you rather*, and *sabotage*.

anyhoo, i will try to keep this brief, i'm tired, and i'm cranky. i had to go to the ex-boyfriend's to get the brake work done on the truck. saved me about $350! all i had to do was fork out for the mexican restaurant and some hooters gift certificates! well i hope they have gift certificates cause they want them. now i know i am not the only one that feels this way at these moments *i will get to the moment in a minute* but i guess this is where the Chinese New Year's Rooster personality fits me. I suppose it's selfish but *shrugs* that's just me. my pattern of thinking has been etched into my brain so it's not something i can just wipe away and start over. i have to reroute it, and i'm not really wanting to do that yet as i've got other things to worry about. anyhoodles. i make coffee at his house, and i'm snooping around. ok not SNOOPING but just looking around, ya know to see if there's any sign of a woman, considering he didn't want a booty call for the work done on the truck, which i would have given up, since he won't take my money. and right next to the damn coffee pot is a few carnations from a flower shop. my god HE gets something for valentines day and i get what??? nottadamnthing that's right. ok i can deal. i figured ok that's why he didn't want a piece of me, cause he's getting it recently. but i feel a little, hmm not hurt, but like a stinging feeling? i cant explain it. i guess this is the selfish part, cause it's like, i know i can deal with the fact that ok, he's going out with someone else or dating, when I"M GOING out with someone else. but when i'm alone, no S.O., no occasional date, no damn LAY, i get a little perturbed that he can find someone and i can't. ok, i don't go out all that, and he goes occasionally to dance or a bar *he's a rednecker so he doesn't do like clubbing or anything*. so i'm thinking *WTF is wrong with me?? i know there isn't anything wrong with me but i can't find me a man to spend time with*. ok there's this guy that recently popped back into my world but hey, he's too damn busy working and can't find time for a drink or something. so that doesn't really count. *sighs* anyway i am making this long and i didn't want to. so i joke with my ex about it, and he didn't really seem like he was interested in the person that gave them to him. how do i know? well cause now that we got the uncomfortableness over being broken up, we talk about people we've dated, what went wrong/right, the psychos that we apparently attract etc. sooooo what do i do, go in and look at the card. LOL . and i'm even more disappointed! who the FUCK puts *GUESS WHO* on a valentine. RETARD! sheesh. so i dont' get a name. damnit. ok fine. i don't need one. it won't last long if it is even a THING. how do i know? cause i know my ex and unless the woman comes from a trailer park or can drink him under the table, she isn't going to deal with a lot of his ways. why did i? well, i guess that's a WHOLE other discussion. basically it comes down to i'm an open person and unless someone is a total ASS, jerkoff, idiot, killer, liar, etc. i will give them a chance and be understanding of quirks, idiosyncracies, eccentricities, etc. within reason, cause i'd want them to at least not kick me to the curb because i have a habit of putting my CDs in alphabetical order or something. and there's also that comfort reason. after a while you get into a *comfort zone* and don't want to rock it. unless it got extraordinarily bad like beating me up or something which never happened i was ok with certain things. even though i knew it wasn't going anywhere.

so anyway, that's how i felt today. although it is nice that his married friend finds me hot. i have soooooooooo thought about going there, but i gave up married men for lent.......lmao

ah well, such is my dull life...

needs a little buffing........

well savannah is a few months away and getting closer every day. i try not to dwell on being alone, i actually don't mind it, except for certain times. as long as i don't have to go 1001+ nights without a decent man to have relations with, i should be good. i should get the name of that book. even if you aren't sans a man, it is a funny book. i could relate or remember certain things that were similar in my life, it was just a good read. so maybe i should start counting my days, like she did, her *Streak* she called it, of how long it had been without a relationship with a man. but then if i start my own, i have a feeling it will continue, so if i don' put it in writing it won't like come true LOL. although i can estimate it's been like 6 months, which isn't too long, think i've went over a year, and actually that was almost painful. gosh, i hope it doesn't get up there again.....*sigh* i might just have to make my *potential* give me the time of DAY LOL. yea there we go with the selfishness. AHHA!