Ch-ch-ch-changes

it isn't easy. it's usually a lifelong process. to change your lifestyle. to change a bad habit to good or to no habit at all. even to change a good habit. i've been hearing about this a lot. so i thought i'd post some stuff i read on it. i've been through it. and i've failed at changing some things. things that i realize just are not going to change. that they are a part of my personality. of who i am. and some things i have changed. i quit smoking. after at least three tries. well actually not tries. i had stopped for a long period of time, say a year or so. then i picked up again when i was emotionally distressed. i'd rather pick up a cigarette than an alcoholic beverage. neither are better but it stems from familial issues. my choice of drug i suppose. but then i would quit again. the last time seems to have been for good. my lifestyle has changed so that's why i don't smoke. that and it's hard hiking up a mountain huffing and puffing. my father wants to change his diet. he's been wanting to do that like forever. of course what i say needs to be backed up by the newspaper and his doctors. so i don't say anything anymore. he knows i eat healthy for the most part. not all the time, trust me. but i measure most of my foods, depending on what it is. i know most measurements now so i dont' need to. i just had my 1/2 cup grape nuts (there are no grapes in it, there is no such thing as a grape nut, and there are no nuts in it, who named it? LOL) but i do like it, better than eating that high fiber bark and twigs you see on cereal boxes. it gives me the fiber and taste i need. i also sliced a banana in it. and on my second cup of coffee. the rest of the day is hard. lunch and dinner as well as snacks. man i can go for something greasy. *stop it* ok anyway, so my father wants to eat healthy, asks me what to eat. um HELLO, haven't you seen what i've eaten for the last 3 years? he's made fun of me, so NOW he asks me what's healthy. um ok. guess the sky high cholesterol and aneurism did it for him. he's in his 60s guess better late than never. that;s why i'm trying to do this now.

anyway there are apparently 6 stages to change.
1. precontemplation.(there are huge arrows pointing to things that need changing but ya kinda got a blind eye)
hell half the time i dont' get out of this stage for things hehe. either you are ignorant, in denial, or demoralized to get past here. well i'm usually demoralized. i didn't want to quit smoking or change my diet. but hacking up a lung in the morning wasn't appealing anymore. and seeing the rolls on my gut like, well i was going to put a particular ethnic group here because they apparently think rolls hanging over tighter than tight jeans is sexy but i won't type it, is not appealing to me. a lot of people think that if it isn't happening to them, it won't. until something happens (like my father finding out he has an aneurism and if he keeps eating the way he does and not moving more it will increase). my cholesterol was 259 i think. it has dropped 45-50 points i think, don't have the test here. it's still just over 200 but MUCH better than over 250. and i really don't want cholesterol medicine. its side effects are horrible. if i can do it with diet i will. and exercise. i guess some people feel they have to lie (denial) about their cholesterol levels. not that i would sit there and say i told you so. apparently my dad did, or my mother is exaggerating which is most likely the case. she said he said it was over 300. i believe it's high but not that high. could be i guess. some friends have scrimped on their numbers too. because no way it's lower than mine with what they eat. i know it. i don't care if it's high but don't lie about it. it's for their own health not mine. eating fried foods all the time, animal organs, total junk food, sodas, beef, no way the cholesterol is lower than mine. they have other issues and the cholesterol is fine? i don't think so. anyhow i'm digressing. this stage is safe so it's hard to get past. you won't move past here if you don't give up what you are doing now, you enjoy eating the foods you are eating, or enjoy smoking. if family or friends are telling you the same thing (yea we hear the "smoking is bad for you", "eating fried foods is bad for you") but come on, if it's effecting you physically and others indirectly, it's time to get out of this stage. not easy i know, none of it is. requires a lifetime change, a certain mindset.

2. contemplation (you realize you do need to change)
ok if ya can get here, that's good, baby steps. you've heard the expert advice, people close to ya want to support ya, and you actually have some solutions or plans. but still can't do it? just get comfy with the decision. took me a while. i had to also realize i didn't want to use food to replace my smoking habit. have to have a PLAN. otherwise you'll fail. hell contemplate the plan a while, cause at least if you have one, you can concentrate on the little stuff and the failure won't seem so bad. i went a week or so without a cigarette and then my friend who smoked came around. well ya know i had to have one. of course i could have asked him to not smoke but they probably wouldn't have done that. not that they wouldn't for me, but that would mean he was something tryin to quit and he wasn't gonna. but it wasn't a total setback. i just got back on the horse. i think this part is where you have to WANT to make the change, to BELIEVE you can. or else it won't work. yea i can hear some people say well i WANT TO CHANGE, but it's all talk. you have to Feel it, really. you have to be confident about it. look to the future and how you'll feel when you change. not what happened in the past.

3. preparation (actually having a plan)
well this is it. yea you probably have to write it out, least for me it's easier. if it's on paper or you even tell someone, then i kinda felt i HAD to do it, didn't want to let myself or someone else down. i even gave myself a start date haha. i guess this is where you have to have specific goals. i wanted to stop coughing in the morning. i wanted to breathe easier when i went up a hill. i wanted to lose some weight and more importantly inches. i wanted to feel better (i was having stomach and other digestion issues that i was NOT going to take a pill for). NO MORE EXCUSES. figure out the real reason you don't want to do it. no time--er MAKE IT, if you want to do something fun, you make time for it, if you want to go somewhere, you make time for it, well you want to work out make time for it. actually i like "exercise" better. "work out" just doesn't sound fun. must be the word "work". if you dont want to wake up early or miss a tv show or have to have something in your hands or whatever, quit kidding yourself. get someone to help. actually i didn't, but i think it would have been better. i've joined gyms with friends before, and the friends are the ones who bailed. go figure. also have to have a plan to deal with future problems. like social situations for me and smoking. that's when i usually smoked. then again i slowly stopped going to bars and stuff. hence no beer, no cig. i'd go to the gym instead. well if it was open. i actually like going on fridays after work because no one is there. guess they are out smoking, drinkin and eatin crap LOL. the hard thing for me with food is when i'm out. they have such yummy stuff on the menus. or other people's houses. gotta eat what they have right? well not a lot. hard to resist such temptation. actually have to take things day by day. i had to stop seeing a few people because they just weren't supportive of my wanting to stop smoking, drinking too much, etc. so sad but hell i'd rather be alone in this than have negative people around. too much negativity from myself as it is.

well i have to do this research paper and i know i only got 3 stages LOL. and i have church since i missed the last two weeks. not that i'm goin to hell for it, but that's the only place i get to see my friend with whom i used to work. funny how some changes that happen seem bad but are good anyway (getting laid off).