My Best Friend

is really fucked up. No seriously. I can write about it, cause we discuss it all the time. I think she has this 'god' notion. That she is god and that everyone should do what she does, think the way she does, etc. Now granted I love her. I think we complete each other (seriously and no I don't mean in the Tom Cruise way haha). She is an extrovert. I am an introvert. She LOVES being the center of attention, whereas I enjoy being on the peripheral. She is OCD to the extreme. Actually I was going to list all her issues, but hell just read the DSM IV or whatever it is up to now, because basically, she fits about all of the diagnoses except the delusional ones. Barely. But she is my best friend. She is the one who loves me no matter how much I fuck up. No matter what I look like. No matter where I go. Although she has issues with me being in Georgia (she's in Maryland) and me returning, which I'm not so sure of. I love her though, I accept her faults and all, and I don't try to change her, of course she has things she wants to change and I try to offer her suggestions, I accept her no matter how much she fucks up too. We are like two peas in a pod. If I didn't have any other friends, I'd be ok. Because I know no matter where I go, I know she'll be there for me. Although I do have a FEW other friends. Granted some days I don't want to talk to her, because I do literally have to set aside a minimum of an hour to talk to her on the phone and usually we talk for more. NOt because we don't talk often, but because she just talks about way too much shit from the past. I keep trying to get her out of the 80s, but she's happy there. Unfortunately she wants to go back to everything. As in she wants to look like she did back then. This is where her brain is seriously fucked up. I guess that's how it is for the people with image and eating disorders. Anyway, she is heavy, over 200 lbs. Then again she is tall, she's had two kids, has female issues. Yet she insists that the way to lose weight is by an all Slimfast diet and diet pills. She thinks that walking from further in the parking lot from her car to whereever and lifting every day items consist of a workout. NOT.

t anyway, we were having this discussion on sex and her issues with her nakedness with the guy she is currently involved with. Well this is where I don't understand the mind set. I never will. Why I try to have her see things differently I Don't know because she apparently won't or physically cannot even fathom what I am trying to say. She doesn't like herself naked. Ok I can understand that. To the point she only has sex if she can in the dark. But she has had sex in the daytime. So the guy has seen her naked, every which way to Sunday. Yet she still doesn't want him to see her naked. I just cannot grasp that concept. So she does everything to prevent him from looking at her naked, before, during, after sex. Whatever. He says he loves the way she looks. She can't understand that. So still she tells him to not look at her or turn off the light or she covers up, whatever. Ok, *knock knock KNOCK*, GIRLFRIEND, he's seen you BUCK-ASS NAKED a zillion times already, and he likes what he sees.......so STOP trying to get him to not look at you!!!!

Ok now I know I don't like parts of myself sometimes, but I'm pretty much ok with myself, naked or otherwise. Do any of you look at yourself in the mirror, nude/naked?? You really should. Unless you have the bucks to change your looks, which I don't agree with, but that's a whole other issue, then accept how you look. If you don't like something, then change it if it is possible. And I don't mean go cut it out or suck it out or whatever. Stuffing any old shit in your mouth and expecting your weight/size to stay the same is ridiculous. Being a couch potato and expecting to look buff is ridiculous. I learned to accept says my tits a long time ago. It helped that I actually gained a little in that department! But for a long time I hated my breasts. Then the hips and ass. But I realize, "hey, I get the most COMPLIMENTS on my ass, so, fine". Now somedays I still don't like it, like when I want to wear leather which you really have to have NO ass to wear it, in my opinion.

I tried to get my best friend to just study herself naked. She won't. I am thinking of doing a nude study for photography. Have to see. I don't like myself in photographs. I look so much better in person lol. And everyone under the sun does a nude study.

Anyway, take a long look at yourself, naked, in the mirror. Find something good about yourself. THere are too many people out there willing to find all the negative things about you, really. Why be so hard on yourself? Life is short. If you are going to find something negative, then do something positive about it, and change it if you can.

On another note........

I saw this woman about my grandmother's age........

.......walking down Broughton Street in Savannah, which is the where all the lovely shops are

in a fucking LEATHER SKIRT!

Ok, I know that sometimes I may wear things that I shouldn't, but come ON!!!!!! (no she didn't have that kind of skirt on but I thought it would be funny to put in there hehe)

That's not just tacky it's ridiculous, it's awful, it is SO UNFLATTERING!

LL, I'll hunt you down if you are wearing a leather mini over um say 50 LOL.

Let's see, on another note.......

not many notes to go on. My first day of classes and I miss my first fucking one. I forgot to check where it was going to be, got downtown too damn late to get a parking spot and find the freakin building. So I missed the first one. But now I know where it is!! I hate missing class. Especially since the classes are only 10 weeks.

wish I knew another language. I would so love to put up a post or two in a different language. Other than that I haven't much to say. Not much going on in my life which is FINE BY ME! Other than beginning classes, I'm trying to figure out if I should go with eyeglasses/sunglasses or get contact lenses again. Boring right? Don't I know it. But seeing as I'm not a poor college student, I need to watch my pennies literally (a big thanks to the ex for sending me back to Savannah with another ammo container full of change for me to roll, SILVER TOO!) So I'm debating if the cost of glasses will be less for the year, rather than getting the either A) disposable contact lenses about $300 some odd for a year or B) getting regular contact lenses about $125 some odd for a year NOT INCLUDING solutions for the year which I haven't added up. HEy, what can I say, I need to find the cheapest ways to go man. Already have a free clinic I go to for health services, although that does come with a price )LIKE THE HOUR AND A HALF WAIT FOR A 10 MINUTE APPOINTMENT! but I'm not bitching) and hopefully working on getting free medications, that's IF the people at the free clinic fill out the paperwork I need so I can send it off.

Man, you know, I don't want to live off welfare etc. I really don't. I guess I am the kind of girl that I don't mind paying for the shit, because that's what I want to do. I don't want a handout. Well maybe for one or two things haha. But seriously, I enjoyed working, getting paid, and then getting the shit I wanted. Granted I would like to not pay full price, but I'm willing to pay. I guess maybe I can't stand all this fucking PAPERWORK! I'm not trying to cheat the system, scam anyone. I literally don't have much money. But I don't want to not have money forever. I eventually want to get back out there and make an honest living........*sigh* I know, what's wrong with me....